Are we as women blocking an important pathway to pleasure?
In my younger years, my prevailing belief about a womanâ€™s sexual pleasure was, to find the perfect lover who would magically make it all happen as he opened my body to unimaginable heights of pleasure with stars of love in my eyes. This belief is at least partially inspired by romance novels with lines like â€œHe gazed passionately into her eyes before leaning in to kiss her, his tongue expertly caressing her depths, instantly awakening flames of passion deep inside of herâ€ etc etc.
Women have been subtly (and not so subtly) conditioned by society to the idea that it is a manâ€™s â€˜jobâ€™ to â€˜provide for his womanâ€™, unconsciously encouraging her to see the male lover as the one holding the power and prowess in the bedroom. But does it have to be this way? One of my recent Hollywood idols (yes, there still lives a teenager inside me!) Matthew McConnaughey (think Magic Mike) was dethroned in a live interview on The Actors Studio (see You Tube) by his wife Camila when she stated she wished occasionally when Matthew was home that he behaved more like the â€˜throw her against the wall and ravish herâ€™ kind of guy he portrays in his movies! Matthew grins and agrees.
This is a good reminder that men are simply perfectly imperfect human beings, just like us, not necessarily Gods in the bedroom.
This deeply infectious conditioning is also supported by our biology, as our sexuality is experienced through the bodyâ€™s autonomic nervous system. The challenge of the autonomic nervous system response is that it works largely beyond the mindâ€™s conscious control where we canâ€™t â€˜willâ€™ it to happen, as anyone trying to â€˜forceâ€™ arousal or orgasm to happen very quickly discovers. This is where we as women have traditionally handed control of our pleasure, often idealized as the womanâ€™s surrender, over to her lover.
Yet this idea of the man being the sole provider of our pleasure can be a very one hard to give up.
But ladies it is time to do exactly that if your attachment to this romantic scenario is getting in the way of your pleasure.