A quick hello before we depart for Bali this week...more on that and other new offerings on our return...
In the meantime if you want to start a juicy conversation bring up a discussion on the value of foreplay...
It will, if all goes well, get you some good sex.
Yet in order to have really satisfying, even memorable sex foreplay (unless you spend hours and even days at it like like Christian Gery and let's face it who does that?) is more likely to get in the way.
Foreplay creates an implicit power struggle that limits and separates the lovers rather than uniting them. It becomes a doing with predetermined outcomes along with increased expectations and a high potential for mere performance or disappointment. In other words it activates the egos in your relationship.
Foreplay happens when...
both of you are at your most vulnerable, when youâ€™re beginning to be naked physically, emotionally and sexually. This is the time when your ego is most fearful and most wants to protect you from being embarrassed or made wrong!
It is not so much what happens in foreplay that creates the problem it is the mindset that goes with it, this idea that foreplay is the lead up to the main game. It means there is a goal oriented agenda towards what IS the main game, thereby creating a need to get somewhere.
We commonly believe that â€˜foreplayâ€™ is for women and real â€˜sexâ€™ is for the man. This ignites a not so subtle power struggle, focussing each in their minds thinking about what they should be giving or getting, disconnecting them from their feelings and blocking enjoyment.
There is also the vital question of how much foreplay is enough, and who gets to decide?
All of this limits the ease and openness that makes being sexual in your relationship feel so great in the first place.