Thankyou to everyone who voted on our question whether to include a QLD option for our Couples Retreat next year in 2016. The result was a resounding yes! We have listened and for those interested check out the details at right below. And thanks again for your time, we really appreciate it!
Men and Women are different..
Yes, this comes as no surprise, but it can be challenging to navigate.
Can you relate to the feeling of being totally unseen by your partner, having to nag them over and over to do something for you, and even though they say they care, they still donâ€™t do it?
Or having answered them in a way that you think is perfectly clear, having your partner go on and on as if you hadnâ€™t even spoken? As if they totally were from Venus whilst you are from Mars?
Men and women ARE different in many ways, even though modern thinkers are trying to homogenize us and treat us all as equal. But being equal is very different to being the same.
This is especially true when it comes to our difficulties in communicating with each other.
What lies behind
these difficulties is not so much what weâ€™re saying but the misleading perceptions
we have of each other that drive they way we hear.
Often as women, we believe that a man should be â€œmore feminineâ€, more sensitive and wordy in communicating, and judge him as wrong or inadequate when he isnâ€™t.
Men too can harbour the belief that a woman would be better off being â€œmore masculineâ€, more straightforward and direct and judge them as wrong or too emotional when they arenâ€™t.
We see each other through our own filters rather than seeing and appreciating our differences.
Simply not understanding these differences in perception leaves most of us feeling unheard, uncared about, disrespected and unloved, creating polarisation and unhelpful behaviours that result in men and women growing even further apart.
There is more to be gained in understanding and celebrating our differences rather than trying to minimize or neglect our uniqueness, particularly from a place of defensiveness fuelled by misunderstanding and ignorance.
Domestic violence is not a gender issue
The current debate around domestic violence is an example of this polarisation, as this hugely important debate is unfortunately degenerating into a gender issue, mostly driven by knee jerking but well meaning politicians. When an issue that impacts both men and women is made out to appear gender specific, this will only polarise both genders making clear communication unnecessarily more challenging, and creating communication difficulties that could have otherwise been easily avoided.
Yes, men and women are obviously different in so many ways. Some are easy to spot, and some differences are more subtle in how we act, feel, communicate and react to each other. These differences are important and part of why weâ€™re attracted to each other.
Not understanding creates powerlessness
In any relationship over time, repeated experiences of feeling unheard or unmet through not seeing each other leaves both partners feeling disconnected, frustrated, powerless and even hopeless.
From our place of hurt we try to get our power back by taking the offensive (actively attacking or withdrawing) which gives us a few moments of powerfulness over the other. But it leaves the attacked person in protection mode where it is extremely difficult to defend themselves and support us (what we are looking for) at the same time. This means each protagonist ends up alone and isolated from each other.
Seeking to understand and appreciate our differences gives power to both
, especially when we both step out of playing games of protection or manipulation, and instead step into empowering each other
For either weâ€™re both empowered or neither of us are, the game of one upmanship brings only unending frustration and separation.
So how are we different?
Here is a little look at how men and women are different in their inherent natures, how these differences impact and what we can do to benefit from them.
For more read on
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