The Tewsletter

Issue #15

As Martin Sheen famously said in the opening scene of Apocalypse Now when he realized the holiday season was just getting started, "Thanksgiving. Shit."

I'm ok with it. Thanksgiving isn't too bad. I mean, know its history is kind of fucked. Doesn't mean we can't redefine it. You could probably celebrate it a lot of different ways. The most modern American way to honor it would probably be to treat it as the start to the shopping season. Everyone here is way into shopping. Pilgrims never saw that coming, I bet. They were just desperate, hungry Puritans who didn't know how to grow corn. Then, as the legend goes according to Wikipedia, 90 Native Americans and 53 Pilgrims all sat down to eat shit out of some cornucopias. Now, here we are centuries later, still not knowing how to grow food, but somehow forever stuffing our faces.

I also don't know if I've ever seen a real cornucopia. I'm sure they have some at Target or definitely Pier One, but you just don't come across them on the regular like you did in the seventeenth century. As soon as I hit send on this, I'll probably go pick one up to take to the family for Thanksgiving. I'll fill it with beer and the canned shit I usually bring, but the cornucopia will be a nice touch. They'll probably think "Jim's really grown up since last year, when he brought all these same items, but in a black plastic bag." The modern cornucopia would probably be an overflowing shopping cart. But that would make for a cumbersome centerpiece. So that's probably why no one's done it yet.

However you feel about Thanksgiving, or how we ended up as a country, I hope you get to spend some time with people you like. And if you're forced to spend time with people you don't like, put your earbuds in and drown them out by listening to my podcast "Quitting Comedy".

I'll be in/around NYC for the rest of the year, so you can catch me at UCB East every Thursday at 9p for "Fresh Out", and I'll be at a string of random bar shows and the Comedy Cellar. You'll have to follow me on social media if you're that hell bent on seeing me live. I'll thank you for it. Beyond that, I'll be hitting Minneapolis, SF, and Allentown early in the New Year. Thanks, everybody!

Every Thursday, “Fresh Out” @ UCB East, NYC
1/26 - 1/27 - San Francisco Sketchfest (doing standup and playing with my Weezer tribute band, The Undone Sweaters)
2/3 - Steelstacks, Bethlehem, PA
2/9 - 2/10 - Comedy Corner Underground, Minneapolis, MN

"Quitting Comedy" an interview podcast featuring some of my personal favorites. Available on iTunes, and everywhere else, pretty much.

P.S. If you haven't already, grab my album on iTunes or Spotify. | @jimtews |

Every Thursday, “Fresh Out” @ UCB East, NYC
10/29 - "Schtick or Treat" @ The Bell House, Brooklyn (I'll be playing Andy Kindler)
Copyright © 2017 Jim Tews, All rights reserved.

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