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A place to interrogate the norms, gain insights, and get inspired

INTERROGATION

Swapping dating horror stories with my other single woman friends is a favorite pastime. It's both entertaining and a way to commiserate through the trials and tribulations of trying to find a life partner. For those of us who date men, the experience can be its own particular kind of struggle — remaining open to love while also knowing there is a level of truth in the internet's "men are trash” diatribe.

Not all men, of course. We all know some good ones. We are friends with them or are perhaps related to them or have even been in love with them at some point. And yet, the truth still remains: on the whole, men do not make great partners in hetero relationships. And that's according to science. Single women tend to be happier, healthier, and live longer lives than our married counterparts. Throughout the year, we have been inundated with stories about women shouldering the brunt of the pandemic. Between leaving the workforce to take up primary childcare, multitasking between work and distance learning, and caring for aging parents, women have their plates full. Circumstances may have been exacerbated, but this most certainly is not new. The burden of "balancing” work and life has always been placed primarily on women.

It's easy to say that women should just pick better men, but that's an oversimplification of the issue. Not to mention, it continues to place the onus on women when the disconnect isn't purely interpersonal, but societal. Throughout the many articles about the mental toll of the pandemic on women, at no point are the men involved questioned about their behavior or lack of contribution. Consequently, painting it as an inevitability to be endured.

The best explanation that I have been able to come up with is that during the time that the gender construct for women has evolved and expanded (not nearly enough because it still exists, but that's a topic for another day), the construct of masculinity has not evolved at nearly the same rate. Thus making the current version incapable of meeting our needs. Women aren't just in the workforce, but in many cases, are the breadwinners. The evolution of technology has made it so that manual labor is largely unnecessary on the reg, Between grocery stores, delivery services, and TaskRabbit, we don't need husbands to hunt for food and build our shelter. While the patriarchy would have us believe this is a threat to men, when it actually puts us all in a better position to win. Rather than basing our desire for a relationship on the material goods that one party can provide, we get to choose a true partnership of love, support, and equity. This is an opportunity for men and women to redefine our romantic relationships as we see fit, if more men choose to meet us there.

INSIGHT

I didn't watch the Super Bowl, but this ad was brought up in every single coaching conversation that I had yesterday, so I took that as a sign — Are you happy because you win or do you win because you're happy?

Michelob ULTRA | “Happy” Super Bowl

INSPIRATION

Have your own moment to celebrate or someone else's? Share it with me.

Tweet by @mabbylmao which reads, "i sign emails with "Best," which is short for "I am the best,"

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