From the blog: You Can Love Your Life and Still Desire More. More times than I care to count, I’ve been told how lucky I am to have such a good life. And trust me, I know how incredibly blessed I am. I’m in a great relationship, love my work, and am overall a happy gal. Yet, what gives me pause is the tone used. There’s this underlying message that I should be satisfied with my life. And I’m here to tell you, sugarplum, that you can love your life. And still desire MORE.
Though you may intellectually understand this, I share it because I’ve had to remind myself that it’s true. Because the moment someone utters “You’re so lucky” or “Well, that must be nice”? A part of me tries to shrink. To become smaller and unnoticed. Yes, that inner people-pleaser in me becomes afraid that the other person thinks I’m a spoiled brat. Or full of myself.
That implication that I should simply settle for this beautiful life I have? It has a double edged meaning to it: how dare I desire even more!
So, let me repeat myself. Darling, you can love your life. And still want something more for yourself and your life.
When it comes to curating a life you love, I’m a big fan of gratitude. Being grateful for your blessings and lessons helps re-wire your brain to think more positively. But that doesn’t mean that wanting more is being ungrateful for what you have.
And in fact, sometimes I think that achieving our goals invites our soul to grow even more. To achieve more. And experience more. Maybe even shoot for a goal so big that we are sure to make some mistakes or fails along the way.
Because we are wired for connection, when someone criticizes our choices, we are tempted to stunt our own growth.
On the flip side of that, though, is fear and self-sabotage.
There’s that fear that desiring more means that “the other shoe will drop”, and not only will you not get what you longed for? You’ll screw up the delicate balance of life. And end up no longer liking it, let alone loving your life.
Fear will tell you that you desires aren’t practical. Or that you’ll never be as accomplished as others (oh, that old comparison!)
And the thing is, because humans are wired for connection, we often tamp down the desire to be bigger and bolder. Because, what if people don’t like us? What if they withdraw their affection? (Hint: Anyone who withdraws their affection from you isn’t worthy of your time.)
Yet, the voices of fear and self-sabotage will continue to speak loudly. Insisting that you should just be happy. Can you love your life as it is without wanting to change it? That, my dear, is the voice of fear.
Don’t give into fear, my dear. You can love your life. And still desire more.
Here are a few specific reminders:
You can have a healthy, happy relationship.
And, you can desire to have a stronger partnership. A happy relationship doesn’t mean that you allow the relationship to stagnate. It doesn’t mean you don’t make an effort to understand each other. To be intimate and stay connected by conversation, fun, and sex. Don’t allow the fear of desiring more to keep you from loving your life. And your relationship.
You can do work that really lights you from within.
And, you can desire to be more successful. Just because you love your work doesn’t mean you don’t want to have an even better career. Make those plans and grow yourself as a professional. And human being.
You can love your life and yourself.
You can accept your body for all it’s perfections and imperfections. And still desire to drop a few pounds. Or get in better shape. Or want to get Botox or a facelift or a tummy tuck. It’s your body, my dear. And loving yourself doesn’t exclude you from wanting to change or shift something.
You can love being a mom.
And still want to be more than just a mom. You can love your life and your kids. And want to make your mark on the world as a woman, not just a mom. Parenting is rewarding and challenging. And yes, you may excel at it. But that doesn’t have to pigeon-hole you into the “Only a Mom” role.
You can love your life and your home.
And still desire to travel. Or move to a bigger (or smaller) house. And you can love where you are, and want to move across the country. Or to a different country. You can appreciate the simple pleasures of life. And still desire grand things and grander adventures.
You can love everything about your life.
And still follow those strings of desire. Because you know that there is more to experience. More to be. And things to create.
What I’ve learned is this: humans are built to follow the threads of their desires.
Do not allow the little voices of fear to stop you from pursuing more. Don’t allow the judgemental voices of others to keep you from both loving your life and growing it. For all that is holy, remind yourself that you are a beloved Child of God and deserve a nourishing life. You can love your life, my darling. And yes, you can still deeply desire for even more.
Life, my dear, is indeed short. You can love your life as it is right now. And still want to pursue something more. So, dive into your desires. Make grand plans. And understand that you can love your life now. And find ways to love it even more.