From the blog: Having a Good Life Doesn’t Mean You Shouldn’t Dream of Having More
One of my core beliefs is that if you curate your daily life to feel both loving and nourishing, then you’ll discover that not only will you be happier. You’ll find that peace of heart that you are living a good life. And, of course, isn’t that what you’ve been working towards? Yay for you, right? I’m sure you feel pretty grateful about your life. And my dear, that’s a wonderful thing.
You deserve to have your dreams and desires become a part of your reality. You actually feel like those hashtags you use on Instagram. You know: #blessed or #lovemylife. It feels good to walk your talk. I am thrilled for you. So, I want to warn you about something super important, ok? So, listen up.
Just because you have a life that you truly do love doesn’t preclude you from dreaming about having more.
This is the time of year when many folks begin thinking about new year’s resolutions. And, my darling, I want you to dive into your hopes, dreams, and desires with your full mind, body, and soul.
And while I was thinking about my own goals for 2020. And was preparing my Word of the Year book for subscribers, I couldn’t help but remember the times that I cam in contact with someone that wants to punch holes in your dream. Yep, we all know those dream killers. Especially folks in our lives that we love, yet somehow make us feel like our desires or silly. Or worse, make you feel ashamed that you dare think about something more since you’re already so “Blessed” or “Lucky”.
I know I’m not alone in feeling judged when I express having new goals and desires. And someone else points out that I have a good life with the implication that I am a bad person for wanting more in my life.
Yes, my darling, I’ve been there. Bopping along in my life feeling excited about a new project. Or making progress on a new goal when a naysayer appears in my life and have uttered those sarcastic phrases meant to make you shrink into a smaller version of who you can be. Because the moment someone utters “You’re so lucky” or “Well, that must be nice”? I begin to question myself, my dreams, and my simplest of desires. Yes, that inner people-pleaser in me becomes afraid that the other person thinks I’m a spoiled brat. Or full of myself.
Because this kind of interaction comes with the implication that you should settle for what you have right now. It has a double-edged meaning to it: how dare you desire even more!
When someone criticizes our choices, we are tempted to stunt our own growth. Especially when they point out how “lucky” or “blessed” we are. Implying that because your life seems good from the outside, you are greedy or ungrateful if you desire more. And the thing is, because humans are wired for connection, we often tamp down the desire to be bigger and bolder. Because, what if people don’t like us? What if they withdraw their affection? (Hint: Anyone who withdraws their affection from you isn’t worthy of your time.)
Remember that you can have an amazingly good life. Full of all kinds of lovely things and marvelous achievements. And still desire to have more.
This is one of the reasons I love the word of the year process. Because when you choose a word of the year, coming in contact with a person who wants to punch holes in your dreams. Or feel shamed for pursuing big goals even though you have a really good life, it can be hard to stay on track. And sometimes, even if you know that you can reach for bigger goals and dreams, it can be easy to self-sabotage.
That word is there to guide and support you. And remind you what you really long for.
When you have a good life, you may feel that wanting more makes you ungrateful for what you have.
I want you to completely understand that when it comes to curating a life you love, I’m a big fan of gratitude. Being grateful for your blessings and lessons helps re-wire your brain to think more positively. Yet that doesn’t mean that wanting more is being ungrateful for what you have.
This is where fear and the tendency to self-sabotage can come into play. You may tell yourself that you are just being practical.
There’s that fear that desiring more means that “the other shoe will drop”, and not only will you not get what you longed for? You’ll screw up the delicate balance of life. And end up no longer liking it, let alone loving your life.
Don’t give into fear, my dear. You can love your life. And still desire more. So, dream big, my dear, when it comes to pursuing your desires in 2020.
And in fact, sometimes I think that achieving our goals invites our soul to grow even more. To achieve more. And experience more. Maybe even shoot for a goal so big that we are sure to make some mistakes or fails along the way.
Here are a few specific reminders about having a good life and wanting more:
- You can be in a healthy, happy relationship. And, you can desire to have a stronger partnership.
- The home you life in may be practically perfect in every way. But that doesn’t meant that you shouldn’t think about redecorating. Or moving. Or even traveling.
- You can do work that really lights you from within. And, you can desire to be more successful.
- Body acceptance may be the your jam. Yes, my dear, you can accept your body for all it’s perfections and imperfections. And still desire to drop a few pounds. Or get in better shape. Or want to get Botox or a face-lift or a tummy tuck. It’s your body, my dear. And loving yourself doesn’t exclude you from wanting to change or shift something.
- You can love being a mom. And a wife. And still want to be more than just a mom. Or more than someone’s wife.
You can love everything about your life. And still follow those strings of desire. Because you know that there is more to experience. More to be. And things to create.
You are a beloved Child of God and deserve a nourishing life. You can have a good life. An incredibly fabulous life that you love and adore. And yes, you can still deeply desire for even more. Because, darling, now is the time to begin your journey into your desires.