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The marriage bed is to be a place of sexual fulfillment and Christians should find great pleasure in the spouse God has given.
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Be Intoxicated Always with Her Love

Finding continual pleasure and fulfillment in your spouse

There is nothing more God honoring than a man and woman taking great joy in one another in the context of their marriage bed.  As they embrace and fulfill their sexual desires they express something of the pure bond of love that God designed for them.

To some this might sound exceedingly foreign.  Perhaps it is because we are surrounded by a world that continually says that the only way one can experience erotic sexual satisfaction is through forbidden relationships, one night stands, and fornication.

For others, it might be due to a prudish upbringing or a result of a marriage which has been less than rewarding on that front. 

Yet God gave us marriage so that we might have a healthy outlet for our sexual desires. From the very beginning He intended us to experience sexual fulfillment and find pleasure in the one He appointed for us.

The Bible is certainly not a manual for sex.  But a cursory read through the Scriptures will reveal that a lively sex life is a glorious and sacred thing.  Some might even be scandalized at how exuberant the Bible is regarding the physical bliss of marriage!  

The Song of Solomon is a romance novel unlike any other.  Even the most casual reader can be aroused by the robust imagery and personal delight the characters have in each other's bodies.  As the drama unfolds one cannot help but see that God has ordained sex to be something of the height of spousal love.

In the Proverbs the father tells his son to "rejoice in the wife of his youth."  This might be rationalized away as a rousing game of Monopoly.  However, the context will not allow such diminutive explanations.  In fact, the father's further exhorts his son to "let her breasts fill you at all times with delight" and he admonishes him to "be intoxicated always in her love." 

These texts clearly express how gratifying the Lord wants marital unions to be.  What's more, it reminds us that seeking such pleasures is not a perverted thing, but a natural expression of who we are as human beings.

We might also say that pursuing such delights is part of our sanctification as Christians.  The bedroom can, in all truthfulness, be an indicator of our walk with Christ.  When we are out of step with our spouse, temperatures in our bedroom will in all likelihood also be affected.  

Because a healthy sex life is so important to the spiritual vitality of a marriage we have dedicated this issue of our newsletter to the topic.  The articles that follow are given with the intent of helping couples develop and keep satisfying joy in their marital intimacy.

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Sexual Fulfillment Requires Frequency


The Bible does not specify how often couples should engage in sex. However, it does seem to imply that sex should occur rather frequently, or at least as often as is needed so as to keep one's desires happily met.

Paul's exposition of the duties of husbands and wives in 1 Corinthians 7 is significant here. He says that neither is to "deprive" the other except for times of prayer.  That indicates something of how pressing the matter is already.  

Paul goes on to expresses the urgency of limiting that time because of their "lack of control."  Finally, he compares the intensity of sexual yearnings to that of "burning."  

Paul might have had a gift of celibacy, but he seems to recognize that those who don't have that gift don't even have it for very long!  Like hunger for food, the hunger for intimacy quickly reappears.

Women too should recognize too that God has designed the man with a robust appetite for sex.  Thus, men typically require more frequent sex.  

Jesus gets at this when he says, "whoever looks at a woman, to lust after her, has committed adultery in his heart already."  Women should not be naive to how easily and often a man can be aroused.  A mere glance can activate his sexual juices.

Part of the woman's service to her man is to be sensitive to his needs and how easily he can "burn."

It was for this reason that Martin Luther recommended that married couples should have sex 2-3 times a week.  It is interesting to note too that recent statistics validate his personal observation.

To be sure, the frequency of a couple's intimacy will take into consideration many  factors (age, ability, emotional states, stress, etc).  Yet we should be ready to acknowledge that undue abstinence or abuses (e.g. "withholding sex" for personal gain or advantage) is sinful.  

Perhaps the words of the great Puritan William Gouge can provide a good summary regarding how often couples resort to one another in this way. Gouge said that married couples should engage in sex “with good will and delight, willingly, readily, and cheerfully.”

Such an attitude towards your beloved will no doubt begin to put the issue in a proper light.
“Thou not only unitest unto thyself a friend and comfort for society, but also a companion for pleasure.”

-Alexandar Niccholus

 

Sexual Fulfillment Requires Understanding


Reading the article just to the left may cause some to think that a man's desire takes precedent in the bedroom.  One may even go conclude that the woman's needs or feelings have no place there.

This couldn't be further from the truth! There is never a time when there is a time out from Scriptural revelation.  

The Word of God reminds us that the woman deserves the utmost honor. She must be cherished and highly esteemed at all times.  This is especially true in the context of the closest expression of the marital relationship.

Perhaps the best guiding word is found in 1 Peter 3:7.  Paul tells husbands to live with their wives, "in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel."

In his book, Strengthening Your Marriage, Wayne Mack explains that husbands must heed this teaching so as to gain the most fulfilling experience for himself and his wife.  Two items bear particular note.  

For one, the man must understand something of the woman's physiology. It should be recognized that women are usually not 
as easily aroused as men.  Her excitement develops more slowly and thus requires more patience.

A man may interpret this as "coldness," but such is not the case at all.  He needs to realize that she was designed differently and simply takes more time to kindle the desire.

What's more, men must understand that women have different stimuli.  "Soft words, unselfish consideration, genuine love, patience, kindness, compassion, acceptance and tenderness are the things that excite a woman and prepare her for satisfying sex relations," says Mack.  

One should bear in mind too, that these virtues ought to be developed throughout the whole of the relationship, and not just when he wants to "make love."  The security and tenderness she experiences at other times aids her ability to engage in sex and keeps her from feeling abused or manipulated into it.

In sum, a man must serve his wife, as he would in any other context.  He must seek to provide for her fullest enjoyment by demonstrating a degree of discipline and being sensitive to her divine design.  When he lives with her in understanding, he honors Christ and occasions a deeper sexual gratification for he and his wife.

Sexual Fulfillment Requires Repentance


Repentance is certainly not the first aphrodisiac that may come to your mind, but a life of turning from sin does enhance a couple's sexual intimacy.

RC Spoul, in this book The Intimate Marriage, says that guilt is one of the strongest inhibitors to a couple's sexual expression.  To be sure, there can be others (e.g. ignorance of the spouse's anatomy), but sin is often the most significant barrier.

This is only logical.  When one has offended God and/or one's spouse, we shouldn't expect that our sexual experience will be blessed by Him.

The Bible also reminds us that our guilt will find us out and that our consciences can either excuse or accuse us (Num. 32:23; Rom. 2:15).  

Other counselors have testified to this as well.  It is reported that divorces often occur because of "sexual incompatibility."  More often than not, this "incompatibility" is due to tensions that run much deeper.

Sex prior to marriage can lead to guilt that is extra baggage in the bedroom.

A man's ego or selfish inclination can leave a woman frigid or otherwise deter mutual satisfaction.

A woman's nagging tongue can cause a man to seek alternative means of fulfilling his desires (or at least send him to a corner of the roof--Prov. 21:9). 

Financial irresponsibility can dry up more than a couple's bank account.

A woman who is intent building a career may come home day after day completely spent, leaving little enthusiasm for her husband.

We must acknowledge that sin, guilt, and shame can prevent couples from having the euphoria God intended for them.  For this reason repentance and faith in Christ are absolutely necessary elements to a fulfilling sex life.

The gospel is good news.  It breaks the power of sin and brings reconciliation.  Through the ministry of the Spirit relationships can heal and the embers of love can begin to burn with more vigor.

Wayne Mack points to Col. 3:12 which says, "Love is the perfect bond of unity."  

He applies that to a couple's sex life and says that a lack of love in some part of the relationship will mean a broken unity in bed.  Alternatively, when couples walk in love and obedience, they will likely experience the blessing on the Lord.

So, if sex is less than gratifying, a couple should examine their relationship.  They should be honest with one another.  If they need to, they should confess their sins to each other and to the Lord. Or, if it be appropriate, they should seek counseling to assist in ironing out the problems.

The truth ought to be clear: When you and your spouse walk in step with the Spirit, you can expect that you will experience a lively sex life.

The Month in Review

Providence Church had some great opportunities to enjoy ministry and fellowship over the last month.  

Gun Fun

One of the highlights was our annual gun safety outing led by our brother Anthony.  It's always fun unloading some ammunition as a church family.  You can see some of the pictures at our website.




Ashland Fair Booth Outreach

A number of families helped kick off our evangelism outreach program by taking turns at our Ashland County Fair Booth.

If you were not able to see the display first hand, check out the pics!




Care Center Walk For Life

Some of the Providence gang also participated in the Ashland Care Center's annual Walk for Life.  These two cuties were part of the ever important water brigade.

Providence continues to have a solid showing at this event, demonstrating the value we place on pro-life work. Thanks to all who turned out!




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Evangelism Training


Every third Sunday of the month we will be holding an evangelism training course prior to our morning service.  It is our hope that these videos and discussion will equip you with the knowledge and boldness to actively share your faith on a regular basis.

The classes will start at 9:30.  Booklets are available if you desire to follow up with the extra reading and homework assignments.
 

Contact Joe for more details.




What Doth Christ Say?

 

The Scriptures help us navigate every issue in life.  It most certainly gives us clear guidance on love, chastity, and sexual intimacy.  For more study, you may like to check out the following messages.

"On Being Intoxicated with her Love

"
Sexual Purity in a Sex Crazed Culture"

"The Reformed View of Sex"

You can also find many articles out on the world wide web dealing with a Puritan view of sex.  You may be surprised to find that the Puritans were not as Puritanitcal as they are made out to be on the subject.  Rather, they had a healthy and hearty view of it.

"The Puritan View of Sex in Marriage"

"The Puritans and Sex"




How sweet is your love,
my bride!
How much better
is your love
than wine,
and the fragrance
of your oils
than any spice!

Song of Solomon 4:10




Join a Study /
              Start a Study!

If you are interested in further discipleship and fellowship, there are always opportunities to do so.  

A group meets each Sunday night in Ashland.  They are currently working through the book of Judges.  Contact Matt for details

Every second Saturday of the month couples go out for dinner.  Afterwards they meet to discuss a teaching.  They are currently going through Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University.  

Other studies are in the mix.  So if you are interested in having one in your area, please let one of our elders know!




If you missed a Sunday

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Proclaiming the biblical standard for faith, family, and society!

Service Time:  10:30

Location:
55 Maine Street
Mifflin, OH 44805

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