Today's intention is based on perhaps the hardest part of recovery work (for me anyways). Super-feelers, get ready to be uncomfortablllllllle!
THIS WEEK'S INTENTION:
ROOT N' FEEL
I haven't always been the free-est feeler. Scratch that: in my teens, I felt so strongly that I lashed out against everyone close to me. Since I matured, I realized how much that hurt people so I went the other direction: lockdown.
After hurting so many people I love with my emotions, I was terrified of doing it again.
The belief I created was that emotions are unsafe, and that belief led me to the extreme of shutting down every emotion I deemed "negative."
I've since learned that bottled up emotions become disfunction in the mind and body.
If they've been bottled up too long, then can lead to depression, anxiety, and even physical manifestations such as sickness. Knowing this, however, doesn't make it easier to do.
I still tend to cut n' run when I feel something heavy. That's how I ended up in such a dark place
not so long ago. It's what led me back to eating disorder recovery
As deep into this work as I am, I still have to remind myself not to cut n' run.
I've learned that avoiding what I'm feeling only prolongs how long I feel it, and it mucks up everything that gets in its way...including relationships with people I love. My fear of hurting the people I love through unleashing my emotions is actually more likely to happen through bottling them up.
So as terrifying as it still is for me, when I feel like cutting n' running, I do this instead: root n' feel. And it's necessary that I do the rooting in order to feel safe to do the feeling.
When I don't root before I feel, the fear that the emotion will carry me away shuts me down. While I know logically that no emotion can ever carry me too far to get back home, rooting helps me feel safer in the feeling, which helps me feel more openly. It also gives me the space to address the hurt parts of me (inner child/reparenting work) when I would otherwise drown in the fear and emotion.
If the fear of getting carried away keeps you from feeling your emotions, rooting could help you, too. So how do you root when emotion hits? Glad you asked.
Here's how I do it:
- Feel the ground beneath you.
- Take a deep breath. Or 5.
- Close your eyes.
- Feel where the emotion lives in your body.
- Acknowledge the emotion as something happening to you, not who you are.
- Remind yourself that no matter what emotion comes, you are whole.
It's a quick process and one that can do wonders to quell the fears that often come with feeling in super feelers. Of course, if you're feeling so strongly that you start fearing for yourself or someone else, call 911 or your local emergency hotline.
Feelin' is healin', friendo. Rooting just makes it all more bearable. :)
Hugs n' fist bumps,