By Gerry Murray. 21-02-2021
(Scroll down for a laugh)

"When people are divided, the only solution is agreement." ~ John Hume

Check out the new podcast here

I would like to thank everyone who has already subscribed to my new podcast, Leading People. I'm thrilled, grateful and humbled by the response so far! 

Podcasts tend to grow by word-of-mouth. So, please forward the link to anyone whom you think would enjoy Leading People.

In the latest edition of my podcast I chat with author and master negotiation trainer, Simon Horton about - yes, you've guessed it, negotiating! 

If you're someone who struggles with situations where you might need to negotiate (asking for a pay raise, a promotion or better consulting fees) then Simon has some useful advice. And, if you're a more experienced negotiator, he has something for you too!

Finishing off my series of posts this week on framing there are two frames that are relevant to any situation where you need or want to get an agreement such as in a negotiation or in a meeting. 

The Agreement Frame

This frame is very useful. It presupposes though that you have the intention to reach an agreement that is beneficial to both you and the other party. It's an effective way to break the deadlock of 'my way or your way' or black and white options. 

Simply stated, you apply the word AND wherever you can. So, if someone suggests something that you partially agree with you respond: 
"Yes, I agree AND we could also consider X"

By doing this you're able to maintain rapport and often create options that neither of you considered at the outset. 

The Backtrack Frame

I hear a lot of well-intentioned advice about paraphrasing what someone has just said as a technique in a meeting or a negotiation. However, a more useful and powerful technique is what is known as backtracking. Essentially, you use another person's exact words to check your understanding with them before perhaps leading them to explore something else that is of interest to you. 

Why does this work better than paraphrasing? 

Because, when you paraphrase you apply your own filters or model of the world to what someone just said. However, if you accept that people choose words on purpose (I hope you do) that best represent their thoughts or experiences, then using their own words to reflect back your understanding is more likely to make them feel that you did understand. In fact, it's more likely that you will understand them! 

Using your own words or interpretation of what they just said (i.e. through paraphrasing) could actually create even more disagreement because, in effect, you risk mismatching their model of the world. This is especially true when you paraphrase statements that contain another person's values or beliefs. 

Wishing you an agreeable week! 



A man walks into an Indian restaurant.
The waiter asks, “have you ever ordered here before?”
The man replies, “No, I haven’t.”
The waiter continues, “We’re a little different here. Before you order, I need you to read and sign this form,” and he hands a piece of paper to the man.
The man squints at the paper and reads the single sentence, “We have naan at this restaurant.” The man looked up, puzzled, and asked why he needed to sign this worthless statement. 
The waiter replied, impatiently, “Just sign the naan disclosure agreement and we can move on.”

Two brothers argue on which of two donkeys is theirs, 
So the first man says, ” I’ll cut an ear off of my donkey and the donkey with only one ear will be mine you take the other one”. So they come to an agreement. At night the donkey with one ear looks at the other donkey with two ears in jealousy, and he ends up biting the donkeys ear off. The next morning the brothers start arguing again, one of the brothers says,” alright I’ll cut off a donkey's second ear and the donkey with no ears is mine and you take the other one.” So they come to an agreement. That night the donkey gets jealous again and bites the other donkey's last ear off. Morning comes the brothers are mad and arguing. One of the brothers says,” this is what we’ll do, I am cutting off my donkeys tail and the other one with a tail will be yours.” So they come to an agreement. That night the same thing happens the donkey with no tail gets jealous and bites the other donkeys tail off. The morning comes both brothers are mad. One brother finally yells,” Alright fine how about you take the black donkey and I take the brown one”

WANTED: A large number of rats, mice and bed bugs
… as my current rental agreement requires me to leave the apartment in the condition it was when I moved in.

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