Is he the one? Is she the woman you’ve been searching for your entire life? It’s not always clear cut whether you’ve found the person of your dreams, or if you’re on the road to another disappointment.
While there’s no way to be 100% certain, there are signs you can look for that will give you a more accurate prediction of your success than just the butterflies you feel in your stomach.
Those butterflies have been wrong before!
Using these strategies will help you to determine if your current love could actually be “the one”:
1. Low drama. When you’re with the right person, the relationship should be largely drama-free. Relationships rarely get easier. They generally become more challenging after the honeymoon phase is over. Regular arguments and hard feelings aren't a positive sign for the future.
2. High comfort. When you’ve found “the one”, you’ll feel a high level of comfort and peacefulness when you’re with them. A high degree of rapport is a positive sign. A peaceful life is a happy life. Your relationship is a place of peace rather than a place of turmoil.
3. You share a similar vision for the future. It’s necessary to have similar plans for the future. Otherwise, at least one of you is guaranteed to be unhappy. If your vision for the future varies greatly from that of your potential mate, you probably haven’t found “the one” just yet.
4. You feel free to be yourself. Do you feel that you have to uphold a certain image to your partner? That’s exhausting and won’t work forever. When you’ve found the right person, you feel comfortable being your true self.
5. You share similar values. Are your values the same? Do you have the same priorities? The relationship will prove to be challenging if you’re not similar in these areas. Imagine the conflict between someone that values success, money, and fame and someone that values modesty, moderation, and charity.
6. The other person’s average is good enough. It can be easy to love someone when they’re at their absolute best, but you don’t get someone’s best day after day. How do you feel about your partner’s average? Their average day is much more important than their best day.
7. The other person’s worst is manageable. Some people are pretty great on average, but their worst is far too much to deal with. This is often demonstrated in those with serious anger-management issues. When you’ve found “the one”, you won’t mind dealing with the worst they have to offer.
8. You’re best friends. “The one” will be your best friend. Why would you share your daily life, a bank account, and all of life’s ups and downs with anyone other than your best friend?
9. You just know it. Sometimes, you can just feel it in your gut. You just know with absolute certainty that this is the right person for you. However, ask yourself if you’ve thought this before about someone else and been wrong.
It’s easy to be led astray by your feelings. You’ve probably been head over heels at some point in your life for someone that you can’t stand to even look at today.
Many relationships start out with a bang, only to crash and burn a short time later. The people that are exciting to us aren’t necessarily the best match for a long-term relationship.
Use the above list of relationship characteristics as a checklist for your relationship. The more boxes you can check, the better the odds that you’ve finally found the right person for you.
James - The Dating Guru
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