I find words and language fascinating. One of the things I find interesting is how we trick ourselves out of success just through our language. We either let ourseves off the hook altogether or we diminish our own self esteem by using language that makes us feel guilty for not doing something. We justify, we doubt ourselves and we verbally block our own way forward. Alternatively we can use positive, possibility language. When people talk about feeling empowered, its got more to do with what you say than how you feel. What you say out loud and to yourself will determine what you feel.
Here are a few words you can do without.
When we say we can’t do something we eliminate possibilities. Of course there are some things you cannot do. If you are a man you can’t give birth to a baby. If you have never learned how to fly a plane you can’t pilot a plane today. So there are things that you can’t do. But many things you can do.
This is a word that negates everything that just came before it. This means that everything before the but is the desire and the words spoken after the but are where the focus is or the real thoughts. For example if you say ‘I want to study at university but I don’t have the time." The focus is on the lack of time rather than on the desire to study. Another example might be ‘I love you but you make me so angry’. The focus is on the anger rather than on the love. Replace "but" with "and” and notice how different it feels.
‘Should’ in a sentence makes the person saying it feel guilty. It is very difficult to feel empowered when you feel. An example might be ‘I should go to the gym’. Replace this word with "choose," as in, "I choose to go to the gym, or I choose not to go to the gym today." When you are making choices rather than beating yourself up mentally, you can make different choices. Choices feel more empowering than guilt.
Indecision, doubt and uncertainty will show up in language when the word maybe is used. Swap this word with ‘I will’ or ‘I will not’. Leaders make decisions not excuses. Another word with similar results is ‘if’.
5. Soon or Later
Leaders commit to a time. Time is a precious commodity that you can never purchase back. Decide when you are going to do something and do it. Another word that shows a lack of commitment to something is ‘someday’.
There may be times where this word is appropriate. It won’t be very often though. Because it is an absolute it limits possibilities in the future for thinking and ideas to have flexibility. Things change. Never say never. Another word in the same family – ‘won’t.
7. Try or (I'll Try)
Yoda says it best – do or do not. There is no try.
So there are some things we must ‘unlearn’. Will you?
Here is a short clip from star wars. Just a quick reminder.
There is still time to come along Wednesday 27th to hear our principal coach Sherry speak about some of the tools that have helped her on her journey and that may help you too. Grab your tickets now.
have a great week.
Til next time