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This week, we are discussing:

The how and why of negotiation.

You do it more than you think.

I love negotiating: I know many people who hate it. They hear the word negotiation and immediately think of used car salesman or street peddlers and the desire to get away from high-pressure selling. But you do it more often than you realise. You negotiate every day. You might negotiate what to have for dinner, your place in the group fitness class or where you sit in the lunch room. Many negotiations happen without words being exchanged. And many more happen as a result of a discussion and coming to an agreement with the person you are negotiating with. So how do you negotiate in a way that everyone wins. A negotiation where only one wins is not a negotiation but a compromise. 
  • Be respectful - when you negotiate, listen to the point of view of the other person. Or if it is an unspoken negotiation, such as where to sit, consider if there might be a good reason why the other person does things in a particular way. An example might be that someone always sits in the same place in the lunch room because they suffer anxiety and like to be able to see the door.
  • Be unemotional - You cannot be a great negotiator if you are emotional. If for example you are looking to buy a car, have a walk away price in your head, and if you can't get it for the right price, walk away. There are other cars. other opportunities. Likewise, if you are in discussions with a person and it looks like it is escalating, be prepared to
  • Be prepared to hear things you might not like. Sometimes in a negotiation you might hear things you don't like. Take those moments as opportunities to learn more about yourself. It may be that in what you think is a negotiation, others feel as though you don't listen to them.
During a negotiation, it would be wise not to take anything personally. If you leave personalities out of it, you will be able to see opportunities more objectively.
Brian Koslow
Relationship coaching
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