there is a saying - if you love something set it free.....
This week, we are discussing:

Real love. 

Do you fight for it?

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or do you release it?

An interesting discussion took place at my place a couple of nights ago. I often host a dinner party on a Sunday evening and a bunch of us sit around and recount the weekend, share, laugh, eat and enjoy each others company. At the last dinner party the topic of love came up. One guest said that you must 'fight for love' and I disagreed and said that the ultimate act of love is release. We debated the topic for a while and I could see glimpses of my former self who thought you must do everything in your power to keep a person that you love with you. I could not help this person to understand my point of view. My former self lived in the same way. So afraid that if you don't make people stay (which of course you can't anyway) that you have given up on love. The truth is that if you can be in a space of acceptance of the world as a loving place, you will open yourself up to more love than you can imagine. 

Anthony DeMello is a great spiritual teacher whose book called 'Awareness' really opened my eyes to this concept. The excerpt below is from that book. He talks about waking up, about love and releasing. 


The first thing I want you to understand, if you really want to wake up, is that you don't want to wake up. The first step to waking up is to be honest enough to admit to yourself that you don't like it. You don't want to be happy. Want a little test? Let's try it. It will take you exactly one minute. You could close your eyes while you're doing it or you could keep them open. It doesn't really matter. 

Think of someone you love very much, someone you're close to, someone who is precious to you, and say to that person in your mind, "I'd rather have happiness than have you". See what happens. "I'd rather be happy than have you. If I had a choice, no question about it, I'd choose happiness". How many of you felt selfish when you said this? Many, it seems. See how we've been brainwashed? See how we've been brainwashed into thinking, "How could I be so selfish"? But look at who's being selfish. Imagine somebody saying to YOU, "How could you be so selfish that you'd choose happiness over me"? Would you not feel like responding, "Pardon me, but how could YOU be so selfish that YOU would demand I choose you above my own happiness?!" 

A woman once told me that when she was a child her Jesuit cousin gave a retreat in the Jesuit church in Milwaukee. He opened each conference with the words: "The test of love is sacrifice, and the gauge of love is unselfishness". That's marvelous! I asked her, "Would you want me to love you at the cost of my happiness"? "Yes", she answered. Isn't that delightful? Wouldn't that be wonderful? SHE would love me at the cost of HER happiness and I would love her at the cost of MY happiness, and so you've got two unhappy people, but LONG LIVE LOVE!

When i first read this book about 20 years ago, I remember be very challenged by his teachings. I am still challenged by them on a daily basis. Another one of Mr De Mello's quotes states....

“‎"I have no fear of losing you, for you aren't an object of my property, or anyone else's. I love you as you are, without attachment, without fears, without conditions, without egoism, trying not to absorb you. I love you freely because I love your freedom, as well as mine.” 

I think Christmas time is a time when we want to be surrounded by loved ones. We want others to put their happiness secondary to our own. We want them to keep the peace, show up, be amazing and make us feel great. But unselfish love says that they are free to choose how and with who they spend their time. And so are we. So surround yourself with others who think like you do, who love you, who support you and who add value to your life. And love others enough to allow them to do the same. Choose happiness. 

Happy Holidays to you all. xoxox

 have a great week.

Til next time



“You see persons and things not as they are but as you are. ” 

― Anthony de Mello.

You can buy Anthony De Mello's book and many others on our website.

“Wisdom tends to grow in proportion to one's awareness of one's ignorance.” 

― Anthony de Mello, One Minute Wisdom
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