Are relationships really 'give and take'? Does this mean by both partners or is there a giver and a taker?
This week, we are discussing:

Give and take in relationships

What does that mean?

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You hear a lot about the secrets to great relationships. What makes some stand the distance while others flounder. What do you believe about relationships? Do you think they are give and take? And what does that mean?

There will be times in all relationships where one partner is giving more and the other is taking more. In a strong relationship this is accepted as normal and both parties feel confident in the knowledge that the scales will tip the other way at some time in the future. Life if about balance and relationships are a part of life. It may be that your partner has to work longer hours for a while on a special project and you don't get as much time together. Perhaps one of the partners is studying while the other offers financial support. It may be that one partner stays at home with the chiildren while they are young while the other works to provide for the family. It may be that you have negotiated christmas and easters so that you take turns with the parents. Give and take is really just another way of saying that you have negotiated who does what (for now). 

Sometimes though people forget to renegotiate when things change.  You may give all the time and not be great at taking. You don't accept gifts or compliments. You don't allow others to give to you. Or maybe you are not great at giving, of your time, your energy, your love. 


We like to believe that love conquers all and that all great relationships are becuase the people in it love each other. While a nice thought, it is the actions of love that determine the happiness and longevity of a relationship. Relationships are abolutely about give and take. Accept that and trust that it will balance out in the end and you will be happy most of the time.  Start keeping count of who is giving and who is taking and it is pretty much the kiss of death for the relationship. 

My challenge to you this week is to see if there is anything in your relationship that needs to be re-negotiated. Do you need to give more? Have you been taking and not giving? Have you been giving and not taking? Think about what would restore the balance in your relationships.

Til next time


We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.

Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
ANZI Coaching Coach of the Year 2011 finalist Sherry Davies-Selak is available for coaching via Skype.

Email for more information

I've learned that you can't have everything and do everything at the same time.

Oprah Winfrey (1954 - )
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