This week, we are discussing:

What to remember and what to forget?

To create great relationships.

'If you acted at the end of a relationship as you did at the beginning of the relationship, it wouldn't be the end'. These words from Tony Robbins are forgotten by 100% of the people who end up separating from relationships. In the beginning of a new relationship, you are so enamoured with the other person that you don't see any of their flaws. They seem perfect. You want to do things for them, you are always so happy to see them and you miss them when they are not around. This initial stage is called limerance. The symptoms of being vague, not eating. unable to sleep, losing weight and sometimes being over-emotional have been compared to some illnesses. Over time (usually between 6-18 months) this wears off. And this is when many people stop doing the things they did in the beginning of the relationship.

So here are some things to help you stay on track. There are things that are best remembered and things that are better to forget to have healthy, vibrant, passionate relationships.

Remember

How amazing, smart or funny you thought your partner was in the beginning.
How they made you feel when you saw them after you had been apart.
How you felt when you thought of them when you were apart.
How well you took notice of what they liked and did those things more.
How you kept track of things they wanted to do or see - and surprised them with those.

How you bought little gifts or said sweet things - just because.
Anniversaries, birthdays and favourite things.
To be responsible for your own happiness.
To talk to one another. Not to whinge or whine, but to communicate.

Forget

The idea that they should love everything that you do.
Routines - these are different from rituals. Routines are those things that become mundane.
The little things that annoyed you this morning when they come back to you at night.
About nagging to get things done, be noticed or for any other reason. If you want some attention there are better way to get it.
Romantic movie endings. Great relationships take effort on a daily basis. However, half the fun is working out how to make your loved one smile.
Expectations. You are in the relationship you are in because you felt something. The expectations you have about how that relationship should progress or what it should look like will destroy it if you do not talk about them to make sure both people have similar expectations.

There are many things you could add to either list I am sure, so have a think about your relationships and what made them extraordinary in the beginning. It doesn't matter whether you are thinking of your intimate relationship, your relationship with your children or your work relationship, most relationship start out by us being excited, happy, curious and wanting to do a 'good job'. It's time to start thinking of relationships not as work but as a learning more about ourselves, how we share ourselves with others and how that changes over time. And if you relationship is a little stale, do just one or two things you did in the beginning. You know it will make a difference.

have a great week.

Til next time

Sherry

What to remember and what to forget?

To create great relationships.

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