I am prematurely gray, have been taking Metamucil since the eighth grade, and want nothing more than for you kids to stay off my lawn. So, to me, it's entirely unsurprising that a recent study found that people's bodies age at wildly different rates. Researchers examined about a thousand 38 year-olds and found that "a good many participants had biological ages in the 50s, while one, described by scientists as an extreme case, had a biological age of 61 years old." Scientists hope that understanding the aging process of these prematurely old specimens will help us develop ways to slow the process (even if it will be too late for them).
"Over the past five decades our average sleep duration on work nights has decreased by an hour and a half, down from eight and a half to just under seven." And the problem seems to impact people across all age groups. The New Yorker's Maria Konnikova asks an obvious question, without an obvious answer: Why can't we sleep?
3. Red Dusk
Greece finally found a job: Distracting us from China's economic roller coaster. Consider this: In China, "the stockmarket is down a third over the past month, but that has simply taken it back to March levels; it is still up 80% over the last year." The Economiston a red flag.
"People are spending the money they have in the bank because otherwise they're afraid they won't get it out." People in Greece are buying up Macs and PlayStations (and food) while they still can. Meanwhile, they are are being cut off from many online payment systems.
+ The new Greek finance minister has only been on the job for a couple days, but the world has already become obsessed with decoding his handwritten notes.
5. Lude and Lascivious
The AP gained access to a transcript of a 2005 lawsuit in which Bill Cosby admitted to getting "Quaaludes with the intent of giving them to young women he wanted to have sex with, and he admitted giving the sedative to at least one woman and other people." (If 38 more women accuse him of raping them and he confesses like 6 more times, I'm gonna start wondering if Cosby is guilty...)
+ Why did a judge decide to release the court documents? Partly because Cosby "has donned the mantle of public moralist and mounted the proverbial electronic or print soap box to volunteer his views on, among other things, childrearing, family life, education, and crime."
"Study after study shows we remember things better when we write them -- our brain stores the letter-writing motion, which is much more memorable than just the mashing of a key that feels like every other key." This is just one of the reasons why pens are making a comeback. Only this time, they're high-tech pens.
+ Does your dog need a walk? Don't worry, there's an app for that. (If you're petting your phone more often than your dog, then what's the point?)
8. I'd Wrap That
Bubble Wrap has one big problem. It takes up a ton of warehouse space. So Sealed Air, the company that has been making and selling the product since 1960, came up with a solution. Shippers can now purchase Bubble Wrap that's inflated on-site, during the boxing process. But here's the new problem: The bubbles will no longer make a popping noise.
9. Emoticon Pro
Dr. Scott Fahlman wants to be known for the various projects he's working on. But forget it. Since one fateful day in 1982, he will be forever known as the guy who invented the emoticon. "What's amusing is that [after] a forty-year career working on AI -- I could solve AI and I know what the first line of my obit would be."
10. Bottom of the News
"Mobile devices are so popular with kids that nearly half of the 800 parents quizzed by Miner & Co. reported that they confiscate their kids' tablets when they act up and make them watch TV instead." Yes, it's come to this. Watching TV is now considered a form of punishment.
+ A New York man just got $750,000 (and one assumes, a round of applause) after suffering through a six day erection while locked up at the Manhattan Detention Center. (I'm pretty sure I'm owed some back pay from adolescence.)